Just beginning….

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The first step is the hardest….

If I had a pound for everytime I was given the advice that I should write my feelings down…. Well I could bloody retire and pay off my student loan, then live the rest of my days on a cruise ship!

Despite this,  it’s taken me a long, hard slog to get to the point where I thought:  “Hey I know what I need to do, I’ll write my thoughts down.” #lightbulb moment

So this blog has multiple purposes.

Firstly, I just want to get some of my thoughts out of my mind because quite frankly, they are too heavy to carry around. Over the last year or so, my thoughts have had the power to eat away at me. If I can lighten the load, it is surely worth a try.

Secondly I thought ‘wouldn’t it be wonderful to look back on, if/ when I have eventually “recovered”, or let’s just say grown from this difficult period in my life, I could look back and see just how far I’ve come?’  That’s another thing people so often say. To feel proud of how far I’ve come. While I can see that yes, I am definitely not still in my pyjamas throwing a solo pity party  (well not everyday ha) I definitely struggle to recognise that I’ve made any sort of progress. I just feel lost and somehow numb. But in time I’m really hoping that I feel a little less lost and a little less numb. Perhaps even maybe when others go through dark times I will be able to say, “Hey you. I see you. I’ve been there and things will get better. If you’re not convinced, then go read my blog where I charted my epic journey from unknown territory to a victorious land where I learnt my own worth!”…..           or something like that. So here I am. Beginning.

It takes bravery to begin. I’m reading this book by Ann Voskamp at the moment and these words particularly touched me.

“It takes ridiculous stores of courage to keep reaching out, to break out of your comfort zone. First steps always seem like not enough but they are the bravest and they start the journey to where you’re meant to go. It takes great trust to believe in the smallness of beginnings.”

So here I am. Feeling small and not sure where I’m meant to go, but none the less courageously making my own beginning.

Lots of love, Lauren xxx

One thought on “Just beginning….

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